Firnando Chau Review
Table of Contents
Acknowledgments
Introduction
Chapter 1: Prep Talk
Chapter 2: Attitude of Approach
Chapter 3: Stress – The Days Between the Peaks and the Valleys
Chapter 4: Loss – The Day Your Heart Is Shattered
Chapter 5: Fear – The Day You Realize You Have Lived Your Life as a Sellout
Chapter 6: Adaptability Breakdown – The Day You Realize You are in Way Over Your Head
Chapter 7: Health – The Day the Body Breaks Down
Chapter 8: Mental Health – The Day the Mind Breaks Down
Chapter 9: Addiction – The Day Addiction Takes Over
Chapter 10: Existential Crisis – The Day You Have Lost Your Purpose and Have No Answer to the Question “Why?”
Chapter 11: The Next Step
Appendix A
Appendix B
Appendix C
Notes
Resource Guide
Paperback: 336 pages
Publisher: Free Press; Reprint edition (September 15, 2009)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1439131562
ISBN-13: 978-1439131565
Real Life: Preparing for the 7 Most Challenging Days of Your Life - Paperback (Sept. 15, 2009) by Dr. Phil McGraw
What if you could see around the corners of your life? Wouldn't it help to know what the most challenging days of your life would be like BEFORE they hit?
There are certain days in life that stand out because they are among the toughest that you or someone you love will experience. Your quality of life and your experience on the journey through this world are a function of how you handle these days when they arrive. Will you be ready? Will you be strong? Will you survive and be better for it, or will you cave?
In Real Life: Preparing for the 7 Most Challenging Days of Your Life, bestselling author and talk show host Dr. Phil McGraw is here to help you prepare to confront what he believes are the seven most common critical days that you or a loved one are likely to face. This book helps make it possible for you to be there for yourself or to be the calm in the middle of the storm for someone you love when any of these difficult days arrive.
Loss -- the day that you or someone you love has their heart shattered by death, divorce, or losing something of great value.
Fear -- the day that you realize you have lived your life as a sellout and that every choice you have made up until this point was dictated by other people's expectations, not based on your own goals and desires.
Adaptability Breakdown -- the day that the pressures of balancing your responsibilities and needs, along with life's demands, have become way too overwhelming, and you realize that you are in way over your head.
Physical Health -- the day that your body or that of someone you love breaks down because of illness, trauma, or disease.
Mental Health -- the day that the mind breaks down and betrays you or someone you love.
Addiction -- the day that addiction takes over, and you or your loved one look a powerful destroyer in the face and realize that you are not in control.
Existential Crisis -- the day that you or someone you love lose the purpose, compass, and connection to meaning in life and have no answer to the question "Why?"
Encountering these days can feel like hitting a brick wall. But while they will change your life, they do not have to ruin it. Dr. Phil's step-by-step plan for getting through the worst days is designed to help you feel prepared when it really matters -- in the midst of a crisis. Dr. Phil provides wisdom and resources that will guide you toward a solution that is right for you, showing you how to minimize disruption and maximize the recovery.
This book is not just about giving you a crisis-mode plan. It will also show you how to change your life now, before you get into a crisis, so that you are not behind the power curve when any of the seven days hit. You will be able to be a leader to someone you love during their crisis because you will know what to do. Dr. Phil says there are no exceptions: with the right attitude and the right information, every challenging day can be turned into a valuable life experience.
About the Author
Dr. Phil Mcgraw is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Ultimate Weight Solution, Self Matters, Life Strategies, and Relationship Rescue. He is the host of the nationally syndicated, daily one-hour series Dr. Phil. One of the world's foremost experts in the field of human functioning, Dr. McGraw is the cofounder of Courtroom Sciences, Inc., the world's leading litigation consulting firm. Dr. McGraw currently lives in Los Angeles, California, with his wife and two sons.
--Start--
Chapter 1: Prep Talk
1.1. Real Life Brings Real Problems
• Monsters Live in the Dark
1.2. The 7 Most Challenging Days of Your Life
1.2.1. The Day Your Heart Is Shattered
1.2.2. The Day You Realize You Have Lived Your Life as a Sellout
1.2.3. The Day You Realize You are in Way Over Your Head
1.2.4. The Day the Body Breaks Down
1.2.5. The Day the Mind Breaks Down
1.2.6. The Day Addiction Takes Over
1.2.7. The Day You Have Lost Your Purpose and Have No Answer to the Question “Why?”
1.3. Life Is Not A Success-Only Journey
1.4. Hold Your Head Up
Chapter 2: Attitude of Approach
• In the Eye of the Beholder
• Challenge your thoughts on a regular basis and make sure they can pass this four-point test:
i. Is the thought or belief a true fact?
ii. Does the thought or belief serve your best interest?
iii. Does the thought or belief protect and prolong your health?
iv. Does the thought or belief get you what you want?
2.1. Prioritizing Consistent with a Healthy Attitude of Approach
2.1.1. Living with Perspective
2.1.2. Words Are Very Powerful Because You Believe What You Say to Yourself
2.1.3. Do Not Give Your Power Away
2.1.4. Accountability Counts
2.2. Take Action
2.3. Your Attitude Can Change Your Life
Chapter 3: Stress – The Days Between the Peaks and the Valleys
3.1. What is a Stressor?
3.2. What is Stress?
3.2.1. Your Body on Stress
3.3. The Stress Index
3.4. Social Disconnection Stresses
3.5. Performance Stresses
3.6. Pessimistic Stresses
3.6.1. The Velocity of Life
3.7. Assessing Your Stress
3.8. Stress-Fighting Strategies
3.8.1. Conscientiously Manage Your Reactions
3.8.2. Exercise Regularly
3.8.3. Practice Relaxation techniques such as Visualisation and Progressive Muscle Relaxation
3.8.4. Breathe Deeply at least Once a Day
3.8.5. Repeat a Powerful Affirmation to Yourself Several Times Daily
3.8.6. Avoid Excessive Amounts of Alcohol, Caffeine, Fats and Sugar
3.8.7. Get High-Quality Sleep
3.8.8. Acknowledge and Celebrate a Goal You’ve Accomplished at least Once a Week
3.8.9. Laugh at least Once a Day
3.8.10. Take a Hot Bath
3.8.11. Recognize What You Can Control and What You Can’t
3.9. Final Thought
Chapter 4: Loss – The Day Your Heart Is Shattered
4.1. What Is Loss?
4.1.1. Doing Your Best to Prepare for the Worst
4.1.2. Violated Expectations
4.1.3. And Then It was My Turn…
4.1.4. More than One Way to Lose
4.2. What to Expect
4.2.1. Loss from Death
4.2.1.1. Getting Distracted
4.2.2. Loss from Divorce
4.2.3. Losses Comes in Many Forms
4.3. Getting Back to Better Days
4.3.1. Action Steps
4.3.1.1. Adjust Your Expectations
4.3.1.2. Accept What You Cannot Change
4.3.1.3. Find Strength in Others
4.3.1.4. Don’t Get Stuck
4.3.1.5. Recognize that time is finite
4.3.1.6. Create value from this experience
4.3.1.7. Think about how you will prepare for your own death when you’re in calm waters
4.3.1.8. Celebrate Life
4.4. Final Thought
Chapter 5: Fear – The Day You Realize You Have Lived Your Life as a Sellout
5.1. What is A Fear-Dominated Life?
5.1.1. Signs of a Fear-Dominated “Authenticity” Breakdown
5.1.2. Fake It to Make It
5.1.3. What I Fear, I Create
5.2. What to Expect
5.2.1. Fear Audit: Identifying Your Fears
5.3. Getting Back to Better Days
5.3.1. Action Steps
5.3.1.1. Find “True North” for Your Life (Decide What You Really Care About)
5.3.1.2. Examine Where you are now (how far off course are you?)
5.3.1.3. Make a life decision
5.3.1.4. Be True to Yourself
5.3.1.5. Make it Happen (Make Yourself Accountable With A Plan)
5.3.1.6. Acknowledge your fears
5.3.2. Challenge Your Irrational Fears
5.3.2.1. Set Yourself Up for Success (Maintain Your Newfound Freedom)
5.3.2.2. Know that You’re Not Alone
5.4. Final Thought
Chapter 6: Adaptability Breakdown – The Day You Realize You are in Way Over Your Head
• Adapt-Ability
• How Stable Is Your Foundation?
6.1. What is an Adaptability Breakdown?
6.2. What to Expect
6.2.1. How Cognitively Flexible Are You?
6.3. Getting Back to Better Days
6.3.1. Action Steps
6.3.1.1. Do a “Situation Autopsy”
6.3.1.2. Confront Your Myths
6.3.1.3. Conquer the Present
6.3.1.4. Redefine Success
6.3.1.5. Don’t Try to Solve Money Problems with Money
6.3.1.6. Find Positive Influences
6.4. Final Thought
Chapter 7: Health – The Day the Body Breaks Down
7.1. What Does a Health Crisis Involve?
7.2. What to Expect
7.2.1. Asking Why
7.2.2. Losing Your Balance
7.2.3. I don’t Remember Signing Up for This…
7.2.4. Managed Not Cured
7.3. Getting Back to Better Days
7.3.1. Action Steps
7.3.1.1. Identify Your Health Perception
7.3.1.1.1. Internal Health Perception
7.3.1.1.2. External Health Perception
7.3.1.1.3. Chance Health Perception
7.3.1.2. Make A Plan
7.3.1.3. Create a Health Team
7.3.1.4. Get Your Thinking Right
7.3.1.5. Start Taking Better Care of Yourself Now
7.3.1.6. Focus on The Positive
7.4. Final Thought
Chapter 8: Mental Health – The Day the Mind Breaks Down
• Down the Rabbit Hole
• The Scarlet Letter
8.1. What is a Mental Health Breakdown?
8.1.1. When “Speeding Up” Results in Breaking Down
8.1.2. Blowing Up the Myths
8.1.3. Five Myths about Mental Illnesses
Myth 1: People who are mentally ill are dangerous or violent
Myth 2: People who have a mental disorder are less intelligent than those who don’t
Myth 3: Most Mentally Ill People end up Poor and on the streets because they can’t hold a job
Myth 4: People with mental illness have some kind of character deficiency or moral weakness
Myth 5: Mental Illness is a life sentence
8.2. What to Expect
• Mood Disturbances
8.2.1. “Normal” versus Clinical Depression
8.2.2. What Causes Depression
8.2.3. How It Feels: Life, Interrupted
8.2.4. The Other Side of Depression
8.2.5. Leah’s Story
• Anxiety Disorder
8.2.6. Anxiety versus Fear
8.2.7. The Many Faces of Anxiety Disorder
• Severe Mental Disorders
8.2.8. What Causes This Type of Mental Illness?
8.3. Getting Back to Better Days
8.3.1. Don’ts
8.3.1.1. Don’t become a slave to a label
8.3.1.2. Don’t’ take drugs from anyone except your doctor
8.3.1.3. Don’t’ feel guilty
8.3.1.4. Don’t’ consider mental illness as a moral issues
8.3.1.5. Don’t’ shun a person with mental illness
8.3.2. Do’s:
8.3.2.1. Do Seek psychotherapy and counselling
8.3.2.2. Do Talk to your doctor about medication
8.3.2.3. Do identify de-stressing activities that enhance self-care
8.3.2.4. Do support creative, constructive activities that enhance self-worth
8.3.2.5. Do express interest in others
8.3.2.6. Do break a sweat
8.3.2.7. Do explore or ask your therapist about media and art therapy
8.3.2.8. Do learn to breathe correctly
8.3.2.9. Do explore desensitization
8.3.2.10. Do Change your internal dialogue
8.3.2.11. Do try journaling
8.4. Final Thought
Chapter 9: Addiction – The Day Addiction Takes Over
9.1. What is Addiction?
9.1.1. Understanding Addiction
9.1.2. Predisposed but Not Predestined
9.2. What to Expect
9.2.1. Life as an Addict
9.2.2. An Addict in the Family
9.2.3. Addiction Audit
9.3. Getting Back to Better Days
9.4. Action Steps
• If You’re the Addict
9.4.1. Find Your Personal Truth
9.4.2. Consult with an Expert
• If Your Loved One Is the Addict
9.4.3. Choose to Assist –But Not Enable – the Person You are Trying to Help
9.4.4. Set Up an Intervention
9.4.5. Set Your Team
9.4.6. Confront Factually, but with Love, Care and Concern
9.4.7. Remember That You Are Talking to the Drugs, Not the Person
9.4.8. Create a Crisis for the Troubled Person
9.4.9. Focus Only on Chemically Related Issues
9.4.10. Get a Commitment from the Addict to Go to Treatment or Be Prepared to Break Contract
9.4.11. Have a Firm, Immediate Plan
9.5. Final Thought
Chapter 10: Existential Crisis – The Day You Have Lost Your Purpose and Have No Answer to the Question “Why?”
10.1. What is an Existential Crisis?
10.1.1. So What Is the Answer? What Is It All About?
10.1.2. Living for – and in – the Moment
• Existential Crisis Audit
10.2. What to Expect
10.3. Getting Back to Better Days
10.3.1. If You want Meaning, Create Meaning
10.3.2. Now I Ask You, “Why Not?”
10.4. Final Thought
Chapter 11: The Next Step
11.1. The Continuity of Life
11.2. Looking Forward
11.2.1. The miracle of life
11.2.2. The miracle of love
11.2.3. The miracle of forgiveness
11.2.4. The miracle of beauty
11.2.5. The miracle of compassion
11.2.6. The miracle of healing
11.2.7. The miracle of awareness
11.2.8. Observe Your Own Life
11.3. The End… For Now
--End--
